Musings of a Godfather
by Ivesia19
Summary: Sirius wished that he could tell Harry what he really wanted to say.  He wanted to tell Harry to wake up.  Grab her while he could and hold her close.  Open his heart, not be afraid, and fall.


Title: Musings of a Godfather

Rating: PG

Pairing: Harry/Hermione

POV: 3rd limited (Sirius Black)

Summary: Sirius wished that he could tell Harry what he really wanted to say. He wanted to tell Harry to wake up. Grab her while he could and hold her close. Open his heart, not be afraid, and fall.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything associated with Harry Potter

Author Notes:Look, not complete H/Hr angst! Set the summer before 5th year. I don't know if Number 12, Grimmauld place has a backyard, probably not, but for the sake of this story it does.

Musings of a Godfather

It had been difficult for Sirius to have his house full of people and no Harry. When Harry finally arrived on his birthday, Sirius couldn't be happier. He imagined long talks that the two would have about life, his parents, everything and anything. Sirius couldn't wait until he and Harry played quidditch and pulled pranks on some of the more annoying people of the house. Sirius was expecting everything to go back to normal, back when he and James were best friends.

Of course, Sirius now knew that was unreasonable. Harry was not James, and Sirius was no longer a fifteen year old boy. Sirius wasn't sure where he and Harry stood, they were somewhere between parent and friend, a dangerous place to be for certain.

No, when Harry came for the summer, Sirius and he did not stay up all night talking or playing sports. Sirius was often too tired for all that, exhausted by his years in Azkaban and the stress of his life now. More often than not, Sirius found his only interaction with Harry was through observation.

He didn't lurk in the corners, nor did he listen intentionally in on Harry's conversations, but sometimes Sirius couldn't help but overhear his godson. Mostly, Sirius kept an eye out for Harry. He made sure that Keacher cleaned Harry's room and made sure that Molly gave him extra helpings at every meal.

Sirius was never one to show his emotions freely and his time in Azkaban only added to his internalization. When he and Harry did talk it was often about unimportant things. Sirius would tell Harry about the time that he and James charmed all the grease on Snape's head to turn colors, causing the potions master to have hot pink hair for a week.

They talked about quidditch and Sirius told old stories. They never talked about Sirius' time in Azkaban or Harry's life with the Dursley's or Cedric. Sirius never had the guts to bring up serious discussions of James in Lily, never told Harry how much he missed them, how hard their deaths really were on him.

Sirius knew that Harry's nightmares were getting worse. In a house as old as Number 12, Gimmauld Place, the moldy carpets did little to soak up sound. Every night, screaming echoes of Cedric haunted him.

Life was not easy for Harry, it never had been. All Sirius wanted was for Harry to have a normal life, be safe and happy. To be loved.

Ever since he escaped from Azkaban, Sirius had developed odd sleeping hours. He was often up way past everyone else had gone to bed, and woke just past lunchtime. It wasn't uncommon for Sirius to wake up with a nice big lunch with a side of Molly making passive-aggressive remarks at his laziness.

This morning, well it really was around one in the afternoon, Sirius woke up to a delicious smell. Quickly throwing some clothes on, Sirius made his way to the kitchen to fill his empty stomach.

Molly was busily working in the kitchen, platters of food already filling the table, and Sirius grinned as he saw that she included his favorite dish. She must have felt bad about being so snippy lately.

Spotting Sirius standing in the doorway, slightly salivating at the intoxicating smells, Molly pointed to a chair, beckoning Sirius to sit down. "I was just about to call everyone for lunch." With that she took a deep breath, brought two fingers to her lips and let out a shrill whistle.

Fred and George immediately appeared in the doorway, rushing to their seats. Mr. Weasley and Ginny followed shortly behind them. When Sirius saw Ron entering the room by himself he asked, "Where are Harry and Hermione?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders. "They're probably in the library, they're always in there. I'm sure they'll be here soon."

Ron took the empty seat next to Sirius and began serving himself piping hot mounds of food. Sirius began to worry; he didn't remember seeing Harry the night before. Before he could put himself in a panic, Harry and Hermione came into his sight. They were walking slowly, side by side, but talking animatedly. Hermione was gesturing wildly with her hands while Harry smiled and laughed at her antics.

"Come on, Harry." Ron shouted, a slight bit of food dropping from his mouth which he quickly smudged away, "You better eat before it's all gone!"

"Ron, calm down. There's plenty of food, really." Hermione admonished, but a smile played on her lips. She sat down across from Sirius and Harry sat next to her.

Sirius watched as his godson waited for Hermione to fill her plate before filling up his own. "So, are you guys bored stiff being cooped up here all day?" Sirius asked, trying to get the conversation flowing.

Hermione, after thoroughly finishing chewing answered, "Oh, no. You have the most extensive library of any house I've ever been to!" Hermione's face flushed with the excitement of talking about books. "Of course, some of your volumes aren't my taste, but still it's fascinating to see all that is out there."

Sirius smiled at Hermione and saw that Harry was grinning at her, "Hermione could be happy in a cave as long as there were enough books." Harry laughed at her outraged expression. "Not that this is a cave or anything," Harry quickly covered. "It's much better than the Dursley's.

"Did they treat you horribly, Harry?" Ginny asked. Sirius didn't know when Ginny had switched her seats, but he distinctly remembered that before just a second ago she wasn't sitting next to Harry.

Harry pursed his mouth. "I'm glad to be here," he answered diplomatically.

Sirius raised his cup, "And I'm certainly glad to have you here, Harry!"

Harry smiled thankfully and turned to Hermione. "You know, I found a book that I think you might be interested in."

"Don't encourage her, mate." Ron said, this time thankfully without the spray of food. Sirius was rather fond of his clothing. "Plus, you said that you wanted to fly around a little after lunch."

"I will, I promise, I just want to show Hermione a book really quickly and then I'll be ready to kick your ass in quidditch."

Harry smiled and Ron seemed appeased at first, but let out an indignant "hey!" at Harry's jab.

"You know, Sirius," Hermione said, "this house is really just fascinating. It's so full of history. So full of character. And I really appreciate you letting me stay here with you."

Sirius shook his head. "Don't mention it, Hermione. Any friend of Harry is a friend of mine." Sirius genuinely liked Hermione. Unlike some of his guests this summer, the girl was always polite and willing to help out. She was one of the smartest girls he had ever met and even helped to rescue him one time. Plus, Harry seemed to trust her above everyone else. That was good enough for him.

Sirius finished up his lunch in relative silence. He answered people when they addressed him, but mostly he was just happy to sit back and enjoy the warmth that radiated from the people around him.

After twelve years of rotting away in a solitary cell, constant conversation was often draining to Sirius. Simply being around people he loved and seeing them happy gave him a sense of comfort that had been foreign to him for so long.

Molly and Arthur chatted easily with Ginny, Molly all the while grinning down at her only daughter. Fred and George had their heads together, no doubt planning another joke on their younger brother. Next to Sirius, Ron was shoveling his mouth full of food, stopping only to take a sip of pumpkin juice or join in on the conversations around him. Harry and Hermione, for the most part, remained silent as well. Sirius figured that now, more than ever, they understood how important it was to treasure moments like these. They may not be around much longer.

The chatter died down considerably as everyone became somewhat sedated by their large lunch. Molly immediately began to clear the dishes away with a flick of her wand and Ginny got up and walked the three steps to where Harry was sitting.

"Ron," Ginny began, looking across the table at her brother but standing closer to Harry than Sirius deemed necessary. By the look in Hermione's eyes, it seemed she agreed with him as well. "Are you and Harry going to play quidditch now? I would love to watch." Ginny smiled down at Harry who was busy polishing off a slice of pumpkin pie.

"Later," said Ron. "He has to show Hermione some book or something. Bloody boring, if you ask me." Ron scraped the last of his remaining food off his plate and into his mouth. "We'll shout up to you when we play."

Sirius was interested by the slight frown that Ginny wore when she heard that Harry was going to show Hermione a book, but she quickly recovered with a quick smile and a shout of "That sounds great. See you then, Harry!"

"I thought she asked me," Ron grumbled as he stood up from the table. "You up for a game of chess, Sirius?"

Sirius contemplated the situation. He needed to feed Buckbeak soon, and he didn't fancy being beaten at chess by a fifteen year old boy. "Sorry, Ron. I would, but I have to make sure that Buckbeak gets fed. We don't want an angry hippogriff on our hands."

Ron shrugged. "Fair enough. Harry, I'm just gonna fly around a bit. Just come outside when you and Hermione are done."

Harry nodded. "I think I'll stop by and visit Buckbeak for awhile after, I haven't seen him in a long time."

"That's fine," Ron shouted from behind his shoulder as he opened the door to walk outside. "I'll be fine by myself for a little bit."

"Will that be okay, Sirius?" Harry asked. "You don't mind if I come up and see Buckbeak for a little, do you?"

Sirius smiled. "I think that's a great idea. He'd love it."

Harry grinned and turned to Hermione. "Come on, let me show you the book, I know that you'll love it."

Harry and Hermione excused themselves and left for the library. Sirius shortly followed their path. He passed the library, climbed up the stairs and headed to Buckbeak's room. When he got there, Sirius realized that he had left the food downstairs. It wouldn't be wise to leave a hippogriff alone with all his food. He would eat himself sick.

Sirius groaned, but turned around to head back downstairs. When he passed by the library, Sirius couldn't help but become a little curious as he heard raised voices. Settling himself next to the partly opened door he listened.

"Harry, this is ridiculous. It wasn't your fault. You need to realize that! You're a good person!" Sirius could clearly make out Hermione's voice. It rang strong and clear, with a minor edge of annoyance.

"You didn't kill Cedric. It wasn't your fault that he died!" There was a slight break to her voice. "Why can't you understand?"

Her voice grew quieter, so much so that Sirius had to lean in to hear the words. "I hate seeing you like this. You act all fine, but I know inside you're hurting. You still have nightmares every night. Why won't you just talk to me about it?"

It took awhile before Sirius heard Harry's response. "You couldn't understand, Hermione." His voice was louder than what Hermione had just used and held an angrier tone as well. "You don't know what I went through. What I always go through. It's because of me that these things keep happening."

Sirius frowned. Did Harry really think that everything Voldemort did was his fault? "Oh, Harry. It's because of you that so many worse things _don't_ happen. You have so much to deal with. Just talk to me, it'll help."

From all that he had heard, Sirius couldn't help but admire Hermione. Although he always thought that he was a pretty good friend, it was obvious to Sirius that Hermione would do anything for Harry. She cared about him more than he could ever own up to.

"I don't want to burden you, Hermione." Harry said, his tone softening with each word. "You shouldn't have to deal with it."

"And you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. I want to help you, Harry. Talk to me, make me understand."

"Hermione, you're one of the most important people in my life. I know that you want to help, but I'm just not ready to talk about it." Harry sounded supremely sad to Sirius, and there was nothing more that he wanted than to wrap his arms around him and comfort him.

From the slight rustle of movement and the muffled voice of Hermione, Sirius supposed that Hermione did just that. "Oh, Harry."

The words repeated themselves, each one more muffled than the last. Finally Hermione broke her string. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I wish that I could make it all better. There's nothing more that I would like than for you to be happy."

Sirius nodded at Hermione's words, silently agreeing with her. Then he got it. He got the subtext. He understood. She loved him. Hermione was undeniably in love with Harry. Sirius smiled to himself. Harry deserved love more than anyone he knew, and Hermione was certainly a good choice.

Deciding to give them privacy, Sirius backed carefully away from the door and headed to get the dead ferrets.

When he passed the library again to get back upstairs just ten minutes later he found the door ajar. Hermione was curled up on couch, reading the book that Harry no doubt showed her.

Her eyes caught by Sirius' movement, Hermione called out to him. "Hey, Harry just headed upstairs to visit Buckbeak." She set the book down next to her on the couch. Sirius couldn't read the title from where he was standing.

"I forgot the ferrets; I had to go get them. I'm heading back up now."

Hermione nodded and picked her book back up.

"What are you reading?" Sirius asked. Okay, so he was more than just a little bit nosy, but considering that asking for a book title was less intrusive than listening at a doorway, Sirius saw this as a step up.

Hermione smiled, looking down at the cover. "Harry found me a wonderful book about house elves. _A Modern History of House Elves and Record of Owning Families_. It's mind-boggling how many wizarding families actually own house elves. This book here says that it's over 20. Can you imagine? That's one out of five." Hermione shook her head. "It truly is an unpublicized tragedy."

Sirius made a short humming sound to show to Hermione that he was listening. Really, he was more worried about Harry than the house elves. "Hermione," Sirius began, completely unsure of how to phrase all that he wanted to say. "It's good that Harry has you. I don't know if he tells you, but I think that you're the reason that he holds on, keeps fighting. He really loves you."

Hermione's face was unreadable. "Well, he's my best friend."

Sirius thought about correcting her by telling her that he didn't mean love in friend terms. He had seen the way that Harry looked at Hermione. The book alone was evidence that he thought of her often. He obviously trusted her. She was the type of girl that Sirius always imagined Harry ending up with. They meshed.

Sirius pondered correcting her for a minute but then decided against it. He wasn't sure if it was his place. So instead Sirius said goodbye to Hermione and headed up the stairs, dead ferrets swishing past him with every step.

When he opened the door Sirius saw that Harry was sitting next to Buckbeak, slowly petting his beak. "You should be careful," Sirius said. "Buckbeak is usually pretty gentle, but still a wild animal."

Harry smiled at Sirius, "Buckbeak trusts me. I know it, I'll be safe."

Sirius nodded. Who wouldn't trust Harry?

He crossed the room, holding the ferrets carefully behind his back; he didn't want Buckbeak to get too excited with Harry in such a close vicinity, no matter how much Harry and Buckbeak bonded.

Harry gave Buckbeak a final pat and moved back to allow Sirius to throw Buckbeak a dead ferret. Buckbeak caught the ferret and began to chew noisily.

"So, I spoke to Hermione a little." Sirius said. While he didn't feel comfortable asking Hermione about her feelings for Harry, he couldn't resist from trying to get something out of Harry. "You two seem that you are pretty close."

Harry watched the blood ooze out of Buckbeak's beak. "She's my best friend."

Sirius couldn't help but smile at Harry's response as it mirrored Hermione's directly.

Harry's brow furrowed at Sirius smile. "She's one of the most important people in my life." Harry paused. "No, that's not right. She is the most important person in my life in fact," Harry admitted.

"She certainly seems like a good friend," Sirius said. "You should defiantly keep hold of her. Don't let her go."

Sirius wished that he could tell Harry what he really wanted to say. He wanted to tell Harry to wake up. Grab her while he could and hold her close. Open his heart, not be afraid, and fall.

Instead Sirius remained quiet. Harry nodded and replied, "I won't. She's too important to lose. I don't know what I would do without her."

"I hope that you'll never have to. There's nothing worse that losing someone you love."

Harry glanced at Sirius with sympathetic eyes. "I'll always be here for you, Sirius. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Sirius was touched. "I'll always be there for you too, Harry. You've had enough people leave in your life. You can rely on me."

Harry nodded. "I know that." Harry smiled softly at Sirius. "I know."

"You're not alone anymore either, Harry. You have to let people in. They want to help you." Harry avoided Sirius' eyes. "But you have to let them be there for you. You have to let your guard down."

Harry continued to stare at the ground. "I'm trying. It's hard sometimes. Growing up I never had anyone I could trust. Sometimes I just want to tell my friends everything. Let myself be completely open with them. Other times I can't help but think that it would be better for everyone if I kept it in. Better for them because I won't burden them and better for me because I won't be in the position to be let down."

Sirius was saddened by all that was left behind from Harry's many years of neglect. "Harry - "

Harry interrupted. "Sirius, can we just - " he broke off.

"Sure." Sirius nodded. "I just want you to remember that you're not alone."

"I know I'm not. I have you and good friends." Harry smiled slightly. "What more could I want?"

Sirius hesitated, now would be the perfect time to tell Harry that he could have so much more. He could have love, it was waiting for him. All he needed to do was wake up and see the truth.

Sirius opened his mouth to tell Harry that Hermione was the answer. He started to, but something stopped him. Sirius shook his head. It wasn't his place to tell Harry what he probably already knew. It was inevitable that Harry and Hermione would get together. Sirius just had to wait for it to happen.

There was no way that they could miss it. One day they would find their way to each other, Sirius was sure of it.

Authors Note: For anyone interested, I have a Harry/Hermione story up on my livejournal. You can see it here http://ivesia19. It's called "Perfect Harmony". It's actually a Ryden story (from Panic! at the Disco), but the boys discuss the last Harry Potter book and why Harry and Hermione should have ended up together. Give it a try!


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